On August 1, Nicholas and I arrived home in Minneapolis. The next couple days were full of preparing to embark on our next adventure; camping through eight National Parks in the western half of the United States before heading to Kansas for Rebekah (my third sibling) and Austin's wedding celebration. They married in a civil ceremony on August 4th, but had planned a "fancy" ceremony that all of the family would be able to attend on September 30th. On Saturday, August 5th Nicholas and I got a phone call from my dad: there had been an accident. Austin was gone and Rebekah was in critical condition. And so, we went home. By early Monday morning, Bekah was celebrating her marriage in our true home, alongside her husband and Savior.
The next week is a blur for me. There are moments of clarity, where I remember sending texts, making calls, giving directions, doing interviews. Others are empty, where I literally have no idea what I filled my time with. Cleaning? Hosting? Preparing meals? Organizing? Making sure we had meals covered? Talking with family? I honestly don't know. Somehow, the week passed though, and the next one, and the next. I've become an expert at filling my time; there is always some chore to be done, text to be sent or area to be paced. I started to venture out after about a month, seeing friends here and there. Life keeps going, because even if you don't want it to, you really don't have a choice. There's only so much time that can be filled with tasks though, and then you are left with moments to sit.
You know those moments where you sit and are quiet? Where you search for stillness but only find racing thoughts and noise? When the depths of your heart are longing for something you almost can't put to words? Maybe answers, maybe peace, maybe understanding, maybe heaven...maybe all of them at once. I've had a lot of moments like that lately. Moments where I sit because I can't move, or wander aimlessly because I can't sit still. Moments where you're left gasping for air, crushed by a sorrow that is beyond all words. Grief is a messy, painful process.
But then....
But then there are moments where you sit and are quiet and find stillness in your tears. You find a glimpse of peace, because you know that even though you feel like you're falling apart, He's holding you together. And then He whispers promises in your ear, and even if you can't understand His will, you can trust in Him. You can trust His promises, His Words, His love, and so you lay down your arms and just ask the Lord to direct you, because you trust Him and that's all you can do.
I didn't really expect Him to send us anywhere...I didn't think I would be ready. But He is. He's sending us to South Africa, where we'll do mission work for three weeks and spend time with Austin's family for one week. At first, I fought it. I didn't want to leave Wichita. South Africa is the hardest place we could go; every step will be one of faith and every one will feel like I'm walking in a path Rebekah & Austin laid for us. It will be hard, but I also have hope that going on this trip will be healing.
We decided to take a leap of faith and bought our tickets and then told one of the staffers at Global Challenge when we would be in South Africa. Louw is an amazing guy we were really blessed to meet at the funeral, so it'll be exciting to see where God directs him to put us. We know we'll be working with Global Challenge, which is the organization Austin worked with, and doing ministry with them. In between serving, we're hoping to visit some of Austin and Bekah's favorite places, like the coffee shop she skyped me from and told me about some of her conversations with Austin and his favorite surf spot. It's in incredible blessing that God has provided us with the means and time to go visit. After serving, we'll spend time with Austin's family, seeing where he grew up and visiting his favorite places at home.
We leave on Wednesday. Yes, Wednesday of this week. We’ve already packed our bags and finished up odds and ends. As we get ready to leave, please pray for us. We'll travel from Dallas to Cape Town and return Nov. 14th. It'll be different than any of the other traveling we've done, but hopefully a time of truly digging into the Word of God and resting in His peace.
Love always,
N + K
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